Conflict is defined as a clash between individuals arising out of a difference in thought process, attitudes, understanding, interests, requirements, and even sometimes perceptions. A conflict results in heated arguments, physical abuses, and definitely loss of peace and harmony. Spinelli highly recommends therapy for people who tend to avoid conflict because it can help you understand why you avoid conflict and practice conflict-management techniques. “Individuals who are conflict-avoidant tend to expect there will be a negative reaction and avoid even interactions that are healthy conflicts,” she explains.

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• That is, by protecting others through avoiding conflict, you may still be abandoned anyway.
• If a conflict is going nowhere, you can choose to disengage and move on.
• These situations are excellent opportunities to practice communication skills.
• There are times when you avoid people, places, or things because you know already know how the situation will turn out (and it’s not good).

However, we typically don’t stop thinking about whatever it is that needs to be done. Rather, we continue to feel stressed about it until it gets done. Avoiding stress might seem like a great way to become less stressed, but this isn’t necessarily the case. More often than not, confronting a problem or dealing with a stressor is the only way to effectively reduce the stress it causes. Voicing your objections could include pointing out if the barista got your coffee order wrong or reminding your co-worker that they forgot to get back to you on an important issue. Conflict can make most people feel uneasy, whether a full-blown argument or a civil confrontation.

Causes of conflict in a relationship

She writes often about the intersections between health, wellness, and the science of human behavior. She’s written for The Atlantic, New York Magazine, Teen Vogue, Quartz, The Washington Post, and many more. Rather than endlessly ruminate and allow conflicts to fester in your head, try taking a more assertive approach. If you’re a visual person, for example, you can relieve stress by closing your eyes and imagining soothing images. The below tips can help you deal with an issue more assertively. Catch up on NBC Select’s in-depth coverage of personal finance, tech and tools, wellness and more, and follow us on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter and TikTok to stay up to date.

Practice Communication Skills

Avoidance coping—also known as avoidant coping, avoidance behaviors, and escape coping—is a maladaptive form of coping in which a person changes their behavior to avoid thinking about, feeling, or doing difficult things. In adulthood, some things rarely resolve properly without a good fight, or at least somebody standing up for themselves and asserting their opinion. If you’re conflict avoidant, instead of telling your boss they’ve got your pay wrong and need to fix it, or a boyfriend that their birthday card for your mom was offensive, you’ll suffer in silence. Keyword “suffer,” because the issue at hand won’t change if you won’t engage in discussion about it, and the same thing will likely happen again.

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Their avoidance interferes with the quality of their lives, and leaves many issues unresolved. Conflict triggers strong emotions and can lead to hurt feelings, disappointment, and discomfort. When handled in an unhealthy manner, it can cause irreparable rifts, resentments, and break-ups. But when conflict is resolved in a healthy way, it increases your understanding of the other person, builds trust, and strengthens your relationships. If your perception of conflict comes from painful memories from early childhood or previous unhealthy relationships, you may expect all disagreements to end badly.

Assessing your level of emotional awareness

Take the assessment and get matched with a therapist in as little as 48 hours. Whatever the cause of disagreements and disputes at home or work, these skills can help you resolve conflict in a constructive way and keep your relationships strong and growing. Meanwhile, your anxiety and the other person’s anxiety are diffused. Growth how to deal with someone who avoids conflict has already started to happen when you have learned how to diffuse your anxiety and turn it into a productive exchange of ideas. Externally, this could look like relying on some sort of crutch to cope with emotional pain, like alcohol, food, drugs, sex, or anything else that provides temporary respite from uncomfortable emotions.

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“Cultivating an overall feeling of numbness can serve the same purpose. And some people turn to the excitement of gambling, risky behavior, video games, or Internet porn as a way of replacing or covering painful feelings they want to avoid,” writes McKay. People-pleasing is a coping mechanism that we revert to when we are overcome by stress and the fear of conflict. But in pleasing others, you’re less likely to get your needs met; it just teaches self-neglect. Start to regulate this habit by resisting the urge to immediately respond to requests, and give yourself time to ensure your “yes” is valid and not forced.

Specifically, the research found that those who predicted a favorable relationship and pro-relationship behavior during relationship conflict led to greater relationship satisfaction and investment. Research suggests that an individual’s implicit theory of relationships (ITR) was a meaningful mediator in determining the strength of one’s commitment to a relationship (Knee et al., 2004). Accordingly, some maintain a theory of growth, the perspective that relationships develop gradually over time and that problem resolution inherently leads to a greater connection and a growing relationship. And some react by directing their anger inward, a reaction that is conducive to feelings of depression and isolation. It’s important to emphasize that they may not always be fully conscious of factors causing the tension that contribute to undermining their commitment.

• Consider practicing conflict-management skills in low-stress situations.
• In addition to examining emotions connected directly to the traumatic event, cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) may address how certain thoughts or ways of evaluating a situation may be contributing to your emotions.
• Since I have severe motion sickness when I’m on a boat or in a moving car, I used the Sea-Band Anti-Nausea Acupressure Wristbands on each wrist during a vacation to Italy.
• An external stressor is a stressful experience that originates outside of the relationship.
• And some people turn to the excitement of gambling, risky behavior, video games, or Internet porn as a way of replacing or covering painful feelings they want to avoid,” writes McKay.